Everything I’ve ever learned, I learned from Star Wars

Never trust men in dark helmets. It really isn’t necessary to be fluent in over 6 million forms of communication. When all else fails….jump! Sometimes, you’ve just gotta do something that seems totally suicidal. If you are a young hero, nothing can kill you. Always check the background of people you want to get intimately

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DEATH STAR = DEATH TRAP

For all the yipping Admiral Motti does about his station being the “ultimate power in the universe,” certain aspects of the Death Star’s construction leave a lot to be desired. Indeed, on several occasions the Death Star’s sinister engineers seemingly made it one of their design specifications to make things as dangerous as possible. Consider

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T-Shirts in the Star Wars Universe

“My Mom (and/or Dad) fought at the Battle of (Yavin/Hoth/Endor) and all I got was this lousy t-shirt” “Have you hugged a wookie today?” “I’m with stupid” (With arrow pointing to Jabba) “My astromech went to the Death Star and all I got were the lousy Technical Schematics” “Emperor’s slugs need love too”

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Bumper stickers in the Star Wars Universe

My Jedi brat can beat up your honors student I survived the Battle of Endor Palpatine, save me from your followers My other starship is an SSD Visit Scenic Beggars Canyon Jedi Master on board — please fly carefully Support your local stormtrooper — buy Imperial Max Rebo Tour ’99 [or whatever year it is]

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Star Wars Astrology

ARIES (March 21 – April 19)Star Wars Character : The Emperor The Emperor has demonstrated his liking to inflict pain on people just as people born under the sign Aries often do. He feels he is at the center of the universe and he must be in control. He enjoys being a leader and his

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Dis Letter

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening come available. So

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Oral Sex – An Ode To Love

Penis breath, a lover’s dreadIs what you get when you give headUnpleasant as it tends to beBe grateful that he doesn’t peeIt’s times like this, you wonder whyYou bothered reaching for his flyBut it’s too late, can’t be a teaseAccept the facts, get on your kneesYou know you’ve got a job to doSo open wide

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Ghetto Test

If the statement is true add the points in parenthesis to your score.Scoring is given at the bottom of the test. You’ve ever used an album cover or old envelope for a dustpan. (5 points) You’ve ever put foil on your TV antennas to get better reception. (8 points) You’ve ever had to use pliers

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Millennium Pie (original work by Don McLean, American Pie)

A long, long time ago…I can still remember howComputers used to make me smile.And I knew if I had my chance,That I could make electrons dance,And maybe I’d be happy for a while. But January made me shiver,it chilled me deep down in my liver,Bad news I’d collected…I couldn’t get connected.I can’t remember back that

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Stupid Tricks For Points

One-Point Gags · Ignore the first five people who say ‘good morning’ to you.· In the middle of a meeting, suddenly shout out “Yahtzee!”· Leave your zipper open for one hour. If anyone points it out, say, “Sorry, I really prefer it this way.”· Phone someone in the office you barely know, leave your name

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